My life is a drama and everything that follows

I have two children - a boy who JUST turned 10 last week and a girl who is now 2 1/2 years.

I had my son with my previous marriage and the man was abusive - physically, psychologically, and emotionally - but I was naive to think that just because I was pregnant I had to stay. When kiddo was 4 months old, he hit me and choked me while I was holding him in my arms - that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I left him and haven't looked back.

I have since gotten married to a wonderful man - one whom I met and married within 4 months - I just KNEW that he was the one. We have the little girl together - little tyke.

My husband and I moved from my hometown (hubby was there for studies), as we didn't really have a future in my hometown so we moved south... unfortunately, I was stupid enough to think that my ex husband had grown up and could be trusted - boy was I STUPID!!!! Now I'm paying the price with the relationship b/n kiddo and myself.

I was stupid and tried to arrange things outside the courts - and it seriously backfired on my ass, I COMPLETELY got fu**ed over. We had to go to court afterall and STILL I got fu**ed by the courts.... even though I provided documentation that he was abusive and controlling and manipulative. Other people even provided affidavits and STILL the court gave kiddo to live with him, because they didn't want him to move from his hometown. The Office for the Children's Lawyer (OCL) even interviewed everyone to make a decision on what's "best" for the kiddo... you know what they asked kiddo???

OCL - "kiddo who do you want to live with"
kiddo - "my mom"
OCL - "If the court decided that you have to live with your dad, would you be alright with that"
kiddo - "yeah"

Well what child who isn't being sexually or physically abused is going to go against that other parent, but it should tell you a LOT if a child says who they "prefer" to live with. And STILL the OCL guys decided that it would be best for my son to live with that man.

I have fought for TWO years - having to go back to my hometown for court - for naught.... and even now, with a court order in place - that a-hole has the gall to keep my son from me - AND manipulate him so that he wants to leave early.

My son thinks that I am the bad person, he thinks that I have abandoned him - but he doesn't know what's happened - to his father getting me criminally charged as pay back for when he was charged with assault. He doesn't know that I didn't feel safe in my own hometown city. He doesn't know that his father is STILL verbally abusive to me and STILL tries to control and manipulate me.

Last week was his birthday - our court papers indicate that I was supposed to get him that weekend - from thurs to sunday - and I also am supposed to get him every other long weekend during the school year, and this coming weekend it was supposed to be our weekend with kiddo. The week before his birthday, the A-hole asks my mom to convince me to switch my weekends for his birthday to THIS coming weekend. And I agreed, but more for the sake of my mom because she wanted to take my son to a hypnotist show that was going on in my hometown last friday.

But where it gets really crappy is that when I explained that I should be getting him from thurs to mon (the extra day on the monday is considered the long weekend part) and the thurs & fri are due to his birthday weekend - he refuses to let me have him that period of time and tells me that unless I go to my hometown (9 HRS AWAY!!), I cannot have him.

My mom intervened on my behalf and said that she would bring my son half way so that we could see each other - but my son informed me last night via telephone that he wants to cut it short because he has a hockey game on monday... which in my opinion, I feel that family is more important than a hockey game. I get that he's 10 and hockey is really important to him but I think that his controlling and manipulative father is the one whose really behind my son's verbalizations.

Sometimes I feel so down and low that I wonder if I can continue to have my relationship with my son this way - that it just may be easier to cut all connections and tell him to get a hold of me when he's old enough to make his own decisions and at that point I'll tell him the REAL truth....

I don't know, who knows what is best!