So close but no cigar

Did my final exam for my mental health course

I got 86% - yay for me! This is my weakest subject area so I'm proud of that number. I studied for lots of days to get that amount...

Unfortunately it wasn't high enough for me to get my A-.... I missed that by TWO questions! A bloody 4% overall. That's the part that doesn't sit well with me.

For the other tests that we've had the teacher has come back and corrected marks because of questions so I'm REALLY REALLY hoping that he'll do the same thing.

But for now, this is me....

I passed at least

Unfortunately I missed the top level by 3% - ugh!

Feeling less overwhelmed but at least I have a bit of stuff off my plate. I'm plugging my way through it.

I feel like the little train that could - "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can" - therefore I know I can.

On other news... I've been in talks with the teacher of my next course (clinical that is) about trying to set up placement cause I've had SUCH a hard time getting it arranged myself. I have inquired whether I would be able to do placement in the ER because I work already in a medical unit and if I can't get into a surgical unit then I would love to try out a placement in the ER. We'll see how that goes though, it's doubtful.

Lack of motivation to read

I've been trying all evening (at least the last 6 hours) to get my reading done - I have to take a quiz and if I don't do the reading I'll get zero - not exactly what I want.... but holy moly is the motivation crap. Normally I can put a TV show on and away I go. Ya I know I'm weird, most cannot study unless it's quiet... I'm the opposite, there must be a show on or no studying happens.

Plus the reading I have to get done is technical and boring so that decreases the motivation to complete. why must it be so dry???!!!!

I seriously need to get my butt in gear!

I'll leave you with a thing I found on facebook.... It's exactly what I feel like I do these days - not much room for much more (aside from clinical and work)

It's taken 8 months but no baby out of it

I get to go back to work this week. I've been out of work for 8 months. Such a long period of time. And I don't even get a baby out of the deal. Bummers!

I'm looking forward to it. To getting back in the groove of things. Plus I seem to get the weird and crazy stuff. I'm ok with that as long as I don't get the weird and crazy patients. I hope we have a good set of hospitalists - the ones who will actually listen to nurses.

I can't wait to start using my skills again. The only down fall is that I won't have as much time for my readings, my assignments, and my tests/exams. I'm actually starting back at the work time because I have a MASSIVE exam due by friday afternoon, 2 quizzes that are killers and two major papers. I should be stressed out more than I am - maybe I just don't know any better.

One thing that's frustrating for me is that I'm not getting many marks back from the courses. I've done two assignments in the one course and haven't gotten any marks back - and they've been completed for like 3 wks so I would expect results by now. I don't really have any choice but to wait.... I hate waiting though.

Verdict completely over the top

So the verdict is in - 10 work day suspension.

My union rep agrees that it's over the top and excessive so we're appealing their decision.

Because of my schedule and the fact that I'm part time and I can ONLY work weekends due to my medical stuff, I don't work now until the middle of February.

Their reasons are retarded such as me not telling them I was going to school - well it's not like they said ANYWHERE or ANYTIME that I had to! IMO it wasn't their business. I still feel that way.

I only went to "clinical" when I was feeling ok medically and I only went twice - that doesn't mean that I could perform my "usual duties" as would be expected if I returned back to work. Even modified duties wouldn't be appropriate. What if I needed to completely get off my butt, it's not like I would be able to find a couch somewhere or crawl onto a stretcher to get off my butt.

The only good thing that comes out of this situation is that it gives hubby another month to find a vehicle that we are both happy with. I thought he had already settled on something then he turns around and changes his mind so we're back at square one.

A bummers is that the appeal process is going to take a long time - union rep told me not to expect a meeting for at least 6 months. I guess I'll be focused on school then.

My hospital hates me

Life just got a bit crazier (or shitty which ever term you choose to use) 

I went for a return to work meeting today (finally feeling well enough to go back - tho I've been ready since the beginning of Dec)... and was bombarded with the fact that I since I was going to clinical (which I went to twice in the semester to prove my skills) that that was against my being off for medical reasons. 

The only bright spot is at least my union rep sees it the way I do - that I was going by my medical which does not indicate that I couldn't attend clinical or drive - but that I couldn't work. They couldn't understand how you could be required to fulfill 40 hrs of clinical time but that you didn't have to do it in a clinical setting. 

So they suspended me.... which means not returning to work. I don't know how I'm expected to pay for school if I don't have an income coming into the house.... I have to pay absurdly high rates - like $5,000 per semester (seriously). I started crying during the meeting - couldn't quite help it - bit of frustration and because I was sideswiped with this crap. I mean, it's not like I put it on facebook or anything. 

Sure I put it up on my blog - but that tells me where in the world someone visits my blog (I love when someone visits!) and no one from my province has visited my blog. So I don't know how in the world they even found out that I was doing "clinicals". Unforunately my union rep said that I had to be completely open and honest and deal with the repercussions and then grieve the entire mess.

Don't know what I'm going to do about this all. Don't know what I can other than grin and bear it - lean apon friends and family, etc...

Next week we have another meeting - giving them time enough to "investigate" this entire mess. I gave them the number to contact my clinical preceptor to "back up" my information indicating that I was simply observing her during pt times and answering questions to prove my own ability to assess. We'll see how this works out.

Batshit crazy courses

School courses have started full force and let me tell you, I am NOT sure that I can complete all the required reading for ONE course, let alone two!

My mental health course requires me to read FOURTEEN chapters!!! How the HELL does anyone complete this AND work full time?! And next week doesn't look like there will be less readings unfortunately. Also, this course isn't going to be open book, which means that I need to know my shit and study, study, study. As it is I HATE (yes a very strong word but that's how strongly I feel about it) mental health - bane of my nursing school responsiblities.

My healthcare ethics course requires that I read only 4 chapters so that's definately more managable.

However when you combine them and then add the fact that 3 of my books haven't come in yet - that makes me INCREDIBLY nervous!

Aside from school..... is that I may actually get back to work in the very near future. Tomorrow is my meeting with my manager and union rep. So I will know tomorrow when my return will be. I'm so excited!

Semester One down - successfully

I ended my first semester with a 3.84 GPA - holy crap does that excite me!

When I started this semester I was insanely worried about whether I would even make it through it, let alone successfully. I mean, I know that I'm intelligent but I always worry about whether it would translate enough.

I enjoyed this semester but I don't feel as though I learned very much. I thoroughly enjoy the ppl I met (though not in person) through the one course that encouraged contact.

So now that I've successfully completed this semester I get the chance to move on to the next semester. The course is mental health so this should be interesting because it's the one course that I'm not looking forward to. It's the one course that I struggle with - how do nurses go on to ask ppl "do you hear voices" "are you planning on killing yourself" "how are you planning to kill yourself" - it's just NOT in my nature. I don't enjoy that, it's beyond me. If anyone has the answer please share it!

Ending of my first semester - EXAM TIME!!!!!!!!!

I have til the end of this week to complete my exams. I did my first one tonight.

I got 98%!!!!!!!! WOWZERS am I excited and proud. Couldn't have done it without my husband! This exam was all about pharmacology, there was very little gray area so I wasn't too worried about it, my OTHER exam I'm a tad more worried.

I'll take my second exam tomorrow (at least that's the plan!) Wish me luck!

Finally a beacon of hope

In about October I was notified via email that the next course would be a psych course (already knew this but was reminded of it) and was told to begin the search to find a suitable placement. I believe I've said it before but it really irks me (maybe a tad more ;P) that I have to find my OWN placement as well as preceptor while the school sits back and does jack shit except do the clinical contract with the facility. Complete bullshit IMO. The old school that I was going to (for my LPN/RPN as well as my previous BSN) did this leg work for us (and was compensated IMO for this) which made life easier and certainly less stressful. This was something that I asked before committing myself to this school because I don't think it should be my responsibility to do this.

So for this semester my hubby thought to find a list of ALL the NPs and so I began calling them ALL - EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!!! And was told that if I didn't find a preceptor in that two week period of time that I would have to abandon that course! So off I went asking whether they would be willing to "oversee" a basic review of assessments that I would do in front of them. Only ONE off a list of probably 30-40 ppl said yes. And OMG am I thankful to this person!!! Told her everytime I saw her! I was certainly stressed out and certainly worried that I would have to postpone starting my core nursing courses because of this stupid thing that I was told by the university to wait on until I was officially "IN" the course. It's complete bullshit IMO and I should have been advised of this.

Now getting back to October... I procrastinated on finding a suitable placement and figured that the school would do ANY of the leg work. Now it's December and I come to find that the school basically did jack shit in terms of helping me. A couple of days ago hubby wanted me to start doing the same thing as before but now focusing on calling the "key" people in the hospitals who would enable me to have a pysch rotation in the hospital. Focused on big hospitals and then I decided to broaden my search to smaller ones. Then hubby had an epiphany that it would be smart to check out the psychiatric nurses' association. I figured it couldn't hurt anything and off we went calling them. They instructed us on how to find the local chapter ppl and then we went off googling these people to see about contacting them directly to see if I could network with them to find a placement. Hell these people wouldn't be part of this association if they weren't somehow involved in psychiatry right?!

Next day I called up a couple of people and happened upon one lady who said that so long as I was allowed to do it at an out-pt clinic or in ppl's homes then she could help me. YAAAAYYYYYYYYYY OMG I was eccstatic. The relief was immense let me tell you!

Now I'm trying to convince hubby to register for next semester's courses. He doesn't seem overly keen on this idea though (not sure of the exact reasoning seeing as he told me that once I secured a placement then we would register being that we'd been in this sort of predicament already right).

So I started the paperwork with the uni to get the contract going so that in January I can start my placement hours. The good thing (though weird) is that for that course it only requires FORTY hours. Crazy low amount, very shocking to me and to the lady I spoke with. I don't really care so long as I get the hours in.

Finally I get the word

I've been told I can go back to work!!!!!!! FINALLY!!! It's been almost 5 months since all this health stuff started and I FINALLY feel ready enough to go back to work.

I met with my physician yesterday and got him to fill out the paperwork to tell my company that I can go back to work - although with restrictions. I can only work on the weekends. The reason for that is that every monday or other monday the surgeon will tighten the seton and considering it's quite painful and it's too difficult to do the walking and sitting that my job requires.

When I went to my physician and updated him (haven't seen him for almost 3 weeks - since before the new abcess) he was like "wow alot has happened". He was NOT psyched to hear I wasn't on antibiotics because everytime I'm not on one, something new happens - an infection in the fistula track, a new abcess - it's always something.

He also asked me when I last had a scope done - many years ago - but back then I had like 5 of them and they never found anything so I wouldn't expect them to find something now. Especially because I'm not having the GI issues I had back then. I'm not sure I would want to go for a needless scope that isn't going to find anything. Why put myself through that kind of pain for nothing?!

I also talked to him about seeing a immunologist to maybe start the process into finding out why my immune system sucks. He said that he doesn't want to do anything until I'm fully healed. He figures that no specialist woud want to touch me when I'm in the care of the surgeon and having medical needs going on at the moment. So we wait on the immunologist - though I'm not sure that that's a smart idea because I know that I'm going to wait in order to see this person - you ALWAYS end up waiting so why not wait while I'm healing?!

On the school front - tomorrow I have to do this physical assessment DVD - and while it sounds easy isn't.... somehow I have to find a tuning fork, otoscope and reflex hammer.... do YOU know any NURSE who has these things in their possession?!!! I certainly don't!!! My physician was able to lend me the reflex hammer but he only has wall mounted otoscopes so that's a no go. I don't knwo what I'm going to do!!! ERG Well the show does go on, I guess I'll have to improvise!

My nursing lab

This is the program that we use in school for one of the courses that I have to "read" for pharmacology. I don't have a problem reading the information but I don't find that the information is being adequately tested. When doing the tests I don't always find that the answers are in the text. You almost need to infer. I don't think that that's appropriate. It really IS supposed to come from that text.

Seems like my grades go from really good (90's) to not so good (60's) on these damn tests. ERG!!!! Goddamn I hate medications! There's so bloody many of them to remember everything about them.

Guess I have to keep plugging away

Almost finished this term

4:30 am and I'm just contemplating going to sleep. Seems I do most of my work at night. I prefer it this way, no one in the house awake to bother me (interrupt or such) and so I believe I've finished one of my requirements for next week for one of my courses.

I have a couple of more weeks left in this term. Holy smokes has it gone quickly! I've done fabulously (so far) in the one course - mainly pharm with a bit of "other" stuff thrown in (kinda hard to articulate just what but it involves discussion boards). I've gotten excellent marks but the feedback kinda stinks. It doesn't really leave me with much to go on, good or bad. There's no critique, just marking. This is not something I'm used to, when I was in the BSN program previously, I got a LOT of feedback on my papers and assignments. It helped me get better with my writing and such but I'm just not getting it this time around. Is that a good sign or not I have NOOOOO idea. I hope it's a good one!

My other course has the clinical component and the theory part but they are separate entities. In order to pass the course you must pass both. But let me tell you, this teacher does NOT make it easy! So far I've been above the 75% critical point except for one but let me tell you, holy crap did I shit my pants when I didn't get that mark. There's only so many quizzes and such to bring your mark above 75% and when you don't hit that mark you really start to worry!

I wish I knew where I was in relation to the rest of the group. I always feel better when I know where I am in relation to others. Am I above, just at or below others? No idea in this instance. Causes me more worrying to be honest.

My ADHD is getting the better of me these days. Hubby has noticed it as well. I'm trying to be better at being motivated but I just feel sapped. I don't know if it's because of what's been going on with me health-wise or something else but I wish I could just nip it in the butt! I have a LOT of shit that needs to get done pronto and procrastinating is NOT helping matters!

Somehow I have to find an ottoscope and a tuning fork - any ideas?! It's not like I know of anyone who owns these things and has them in a drawer for handy moments. I suppose I will have to approach my physician to see if he'll let me borrow. Ya we'll see how well that goes! I need it in order to do assessment DVD worth a MAJOR portion of marks in my one course. WISH ME LUCK!

Tomorrow's a busy day

Tomorrow is Eid al-Adha - a muslim celebration about the fact that Abraham was willing to sacrafice his son because God asked. Then there's the required prayers, which when it's warm it's expected to do it outdoors. Not so sure tomorrow it will be. And the ritual from eons is that you sacrifice an animal just like Abraham did instead of sacrificing his own son and so we celebrate it by getting together as a family and having a huge dinner. It's the day after Hajj - where MANY muslims flock to Saudi Arabia to pray at the holy site. So tomorrow we pray and we eat. Should be lots of fun, it usually is.

Also tomorrow after the family dinner and hubby is done at school then we're heading to my hometown. My bestie just gave birth yesterday to a little girl yesterday, so I can't wait to go there and meet the little princess. Plus my nephew's birthday is on Thurs so I can't wait to celebrate his first birthday. Oh I wish we were able to have more babies right now - but I have to wait until my BSN is complete. Working hard on getting that accomplished.

speaking of school - I'm done my placement and I'm about half way through my semester - and I'm averaging 90+%. I am really trying to keep that up. I think I should study more but the ADHD rears its head and I lose my motivation. More difficult than I can explain.

Either way, can't wait to get to my hometown and be around all my family and my friends.

Fever seizures

Had placement today, it was my last - at least I think so. I've enjoyed it and today was no different.

My preceptor seemed to have enough trust in me to attend to one of the physicals today, and I nailed it.

We saw a little one who had bilateral ear infections - boy did they look painful!!! OUCHIE

Then we had a dad who brought his 5 month-ish daughter in for a check up cause his wife thought her cold had gone into her chest and was sounding congested - NP said nope but dad had also brought his approx. 2 yr old. And boy did HE look sick!!! He certainly looked MUCH worse than the one he came in for in the first place!

Dad indicated that kiddo had been fighting this "thing" for almost 3 weeks - had gone to an urgent care and the docs there had prescribed amoxicillin - which he had just recently finished. His nose was draining but not purulent - it was clear. When the NP touched him though, immediately she asked for a temp and it turned out that he had spiked one - 102.4 F (39.1 celcius) - and his poor eyes just told u everything about how sick he felt. We went out to get him tylenol and I went back in to give it to him - and take it he did. Then went back out. The NP was unsure what she was going to do plan wise because aside from the temp, his sinuses didn't look infected, no nasal drip indicating infection, chest clear - so what to do? And while we were discussing this amongest ourselves, the dad brought the kiddo out to the main area and exclaimed "he's having a seizure".

Sure enough, tonic clonic seizure (really rigid then the convulsions - and loss of consciousness - and his eyes rolled back in his head)- NP instructs the dad to put him down on the ground and she ensured that he didn't aspirate - tells the clerk to call 911 and stayed with him. Unfortunately there was no suction machine so I grabbed a kleenex so that she could wipe out his mouth - the seizure lasted approx. 2 minutes. When he started to have secretions in his mouth she turned him on his side and wiped his mouth again. Thankfully no vomitting, which meant that he kept down the tylenol. He also lost control of his bowels during this time. But that was the least of our concerns!

Once the fire fighters arrived, he had just completed the seizure and was in the "post ictal" phase of the seizure which is where they are no longer seizing but have not regained consciousness. Or if they do regain it, it may only be for a second. Our little guy went from the tonic clonic to post ictal then back to tonic clonic. Before he started to seize again the NP was able to get him to respond and open his eyes and his pupils were equal and reactive (good sign) - then he started to seize again, but it didn't last long before he went back to the post ictal phase. The guys arrived and put oxygen on him (didn't realize that there was oxygen in the office - don't know where anything is pretty much in that office!) and a pulse ox on him. His oxygen saturation was 94% without the oxygen and with blow-by oxygen it went to 100%. I tried to put the oxygen mask on him but he swiped that away so I just held it next to his face. You just felt for the little guy and his daddy who was standing near by just staring and trying to get a hold of his wife who was at work.

I got his little girl's stuff all together and got her in her car seat and brought her to him. Then once the paramedics showed up, they took the little one and away they all went with dad and baby in tow.

Wasn't expecting that for the last day of clinical - tho that's sorta how one of my last days of clinical placements went when I was doing placement on my unit at my hospital - so maybe it's a good omen for me???

Call me confused

Got the rough draft of one of my APA papers (have I mentioned how much I HATE APA???) but made sure that I did my paper VERY specific to APA. So much so that the comments that my teacher tells me that I don't have to do it so specific - WHAT???!!! I was told not to reference within a reference (although it's supposed to be that way).

Then when I'm FINALLY able to see the paper and check out the comments made on the paper, they don't even reference ANY of the comments she made separately from the comments on the paper. Ya, call me confused on the entire matter!

So ya, I have very little that I have to change on my paper - YAY, less work that I have to do. Though there's certainly more to be done.

Specifically I have a care plan that has to be done, I'll post more about this in another post.

I may be behind in school work but damn am I getting good grades

Since I had the surgery it has put me MAJORLY behind for school work. I've been TRYING to keep up, but damn do these teachers load the work and readings for each week.

I had been having major pain and irritation to the site - not sure how normal this is. As of yesterday the discharge has turned purulent and smelly. Went to my GP and he swabbed the area and sent it off for testing. I should know more Thurs. He didn't want to put me on anymore antibiotics since I've been on quite a bit lately. All good in my book since we are at least doing testing.

Because of the pain I was prescribed Dilaudid - I'm allergic to codeine, demerol and percocet - throat swells so ya, not having any of them. The unfortunate side effect is that I got MAJORLY dizzy from it. THEN I was getting nauseous from it (and gravol or maxeran weren't helping) and subsequently vomitting for an entire day. NOT good when i'm trying to make up all this stuff. Because of the dizziness I lost 4 days - finally I just had to stop taking the pills and deal with the agony in order to get SOME work done.

Pain's still pretty bad, especially after activity. So off I went to the GP yesterday to see if I can get morphine instead. I know it makes me nauseous but at least I know that maxeran will cover it and I SHOULD be ok.

I have a follow up with the surgeon on sept. 30 - looking forward to seeing him and hearing what he has to say about this entire mess.

Life is busy

School has started in full force. I FOUND A NP WHO WILL BE MY PRECEPTOR - THANK YOU RV!!! I can't believe that someone who doesn't know me and has never met me and has only talked to this crazy nursing student who randomly called them up would be willing to help me out. Either way, I'm eternallly grateful. Even better it that she's already sent in the paperwork AND she's been approved!!!

I caught a nasty cold - makes life a bit more difficult as the energy level has plumetted which makes doing school work & required readings tricky. I'm TRYING to keep up!

I have a cultural competence paper & test to do before sunday. I also have a teaching & learning test to do before then as well. Now the tricky bit is is that I have a scope scheduled for thurs which may take me out of commission for several days. Hopefully not any longer than that.

I did my preop stuff today. The nurse there knows what surgery I'm having and she mentioned that she didn't think that I would be back to work before the new year - holy shit batman, I can't be off work that long. I was only expecting to be off another month AT THE MOST!!!

School costs me $5,000 per SEMESTER and so I NEED to go back to work. I have school to pay for. I would rather NOT go into debt if I can help it.

I'm looking forward to getting this health stuff fixed, it hurts & is itchy and it makes walking more difficult. Not looking forward to the bowel prep though! Don't know of anyone who does. I'll know more about what the agenda is for surgery after the scope. Doc tried to call me today but don't know why - I get to find out tomorrow.

Again I'm getting screwed over

I started school this week - YAY for me. Also found out that i need to find my OWN preceptor, in a state I DON'T reside in. Well THIS should be fun! And it has to be done like yesterday. I've tried posting several places on facebook and on allnurses.com but haven't had any bites yet. I hope I hear something tomorow or else I'm gonig to have to drop this course and I REALLY don't want to have to do that!

Busy busy busy!!!

Things have been busy on my side of life - my BIL is getting married in approx. 2 weeks (which I don't even want to be a part of cuz I hate him so much but I'm being made to anyways -UGH) and the family has started to pour in, shopping trips ALL OVER are being done, dinners are getting prepped & cooked and LOTS of family time is being made. Not sure how much I'll be able to post in the next two weeks but I'll try.

Ramadan is coming to a close later this week - yay for everyone who is fasting!!! Truely exciting. This year I didn't have to fast because of what's going on with my tush. I should know more about what the avenue that we take will be on Thurs when i meet with the gen. surgeon (new one). I know surgery is in the cards, it's a matter of when.

I heard back from the university - they need me to prove that my immunizations were effective when I had them, OR have another shot of the MMR - plus because on their form there's no place for DTap BOOSTER (they just put DT and left out the pertussis part) now I have to have a pertussis shot - stupid university!!! Then I have to test out of the Interpersonal Communication course in two weeks and that should cover everything and THEN they'll send my acceptance letter to me. It has been SUCH a pain in the butt to get completely enrolled into this program. I hope it's smooth sailing once I'm in!

Normally I call my mom daily or every-other day and so tonight she spoke with hubby or MIL and was upset (from their end they said she sounded upset) and so when I returned the call she indicated that she WAS upset - she was worried cuz she hadn't heard from me in about a week. Good to know that if I DO go missing or something happens to me that I'll have someone looking for me!!!! I updated her about what's been going on in my life and tried to alleviate the distress. Seems that our phone jack has been on the fritz (not realizing it) and she's tried to call several times (she said that she had tried a dozen times - not sure I believe she tried THAT many times!) but didn't think to try me on my cell. HAHAHA - mothers for ya!