Never thought this would happen

Saw the surgeon today, after my night shift....

And he said that I was healed enough that he cut my fistula string!!!!!! I'm done with it.

I never thought it would happen. It's felt like it's been FOREVER and a day since this all started.

He said I don't need to see him again....

Unless I develop another abcess (good God I sure hope not!!!) or if the fistula doesn't close up properly and I am still getting discharge and pain in a month from now.

He gave me another month of short weeks for work but then I should be back to work regular schedule!

Ethics suck and volunteering for it

Taking an ethics course this semester along with the mental health course - two weeks in and three quizzes down and I'm batting like 60% - goodness gracious this sucks.

The friggin quizzes are FUCKING HARD!!!! Who the hell makes 5 pt quizzes for godamn hard???!!! (rhetorical question BTW)

Unfortunately this course also requires for me to do volunteering - AND link it to ethics. Easier said than done. The one place that agreed to take me is a community child care center.... how do I link THAT to ethics???!!! In the proposal I totally bullshitted - said that there was a chance that I could see child abuse (ya right) and the teacher seemed to buy it cuz she approved it. Meh, works for me! At least it's only 10 hours - easy to get it over with.

The course has me do 2 significant themed papers - I was given:
1. Should it be legal for people to buy organs for transplant
2. Should vaccination for HPV be mandated for teenage girls

I selected #1 and the teacher gave me #2 - they shouldn't be too hard, especially considering the HPV one has been in the news for like the last 2 years. And the other one has had plenty of information spread about the ethical issues associated with it.

On a completely unrelated subject....

Went to see the surgeon yesterday. Day was hell from the beginning! Forgot to start the car early because hubby required that I call 5 different places trying to get a hold of ppl so that I can placements at a hospital for the upcoming semesters and so FREEZING cold car....

Get in the car only to find out that my in laws used the car the day before and left ONE bar of gasoline so I wouldn't have been able to start the car anyways - AND I was already running behind schedule for the Dr's appt and now I had to go get gasoline - increase already high irritation

Followed my BIL out of the house and to the closest intersection where I was directly behind him going through it and he slid around the turn and blocked the entire road and go figure so did I, directly into his car. AGGGGHHHH. Now a fucking accident to boot. Minimal damage to both vehicles (as far as we can tell) so off I go on my way....

To then drive 25 KM per hour all the way to my hospital (that's where the Dr's appt was) - so it takes me OVER an hour to get there going at that speed. Which makes me even later for my appt. I was smart enough tho to call ahead and let them know.

Finally make it there and I forget to get the documentation for OC health for the surgeon to fill out so while he's in the room I let him know that they're being jerks and tell him that they have told me that I have to ONLY get him to fill it out so I have to grab it for him to fill out. So off I go to get it and return for him to sign off on it, which he does easily. He had a hard time understanding that they haven't let me go back to work. Ya well me neither!!!

Only 3 more weeks til I start back. I can't wait to get back in the groove.

A big week coming

This week is kinda big in my life. This week I have a meeting with the surgeon who will determine if I get to go back to work and if I get to have the weekend shifts that I feel I need.

Then I have a meeting with Oc health, my manager and my union rep to determine WHEN I can go back to work. Goodness I hope it's soon!

These two things will determine WHEN I get to go home for Christmas - one things that this family will NOT let me celebrate here - so I REALLY REALLY want to go home. Plus my two brothers are shit heads and tend to spend more time with their wife's side of the family and therefore if if I didn't go home, then my mama would be left alone (and her hubby is a bigger shit head and doesn't know how to celebrate properly and always inevitably screws up the celebration) so there's just me to help her celebrate christmas.

Plus little tyke LOVES all the lights of christmas and keeps enquiring WHEN christmas is going to be. She doesn't understand why exactly we don't celebrate in this household and it's next to impossible to tell a 4 yr old and have her truely understand. So I'm happy that we get to go up to mom's house and celebrate all the awesomeness that goes along with the holidays. If only Eid was celebrated in the same manner, then maybe her and I would be excited about it as well.

No news is good news right? Not in my life!

Been gone for a couple days, you would think that things MIGHT have actually have gotten better right?! ya not so much. Been informed by Oc health that they don't believe what my GP has to say and is just going along with what I tell him to - though this is true, he also sees merit in what I say - it's not like I'm a layman over here I'm a god damn nurse. I wanted to tell these two to shove their shit up their ass but I know that won't get me very far. I just want to go back to work. It shouldn't be soooooooo difficult. FUCKING PEOPLE!!!!!!! Now I have to get my surgeon (who works at the same fucking hospital as these nit wits) to write the same bullshit (and he will!) as my GP cuz heaven fucking forbid they believe the doctor they asked to clarify with!!! Now I have to get someone else to do it cuz I guess my GP isn't credible enough. UGH!!!

Still haven't found my dog. Makes me want to cry every time I look out my window or see her leash. UGH

Then there's the whole bullshit with this shit hole I live in. Yesterday I was minding my own goddamn business watching the show "Mom" (HILARIOUS btw) with headphones on cuz I wouldn't want to disturb my FIL watching (more reading since the volume wasn't even on) and low and behold I laugh my ass off. Really did, true shit - fucking rolled a gut (episode 11 with the cat - OMG funny) and was told to shut up - told my FIL in no uncertain terms that I was not going to. Then another funny bit comes on and I bust a gut again this time louder. Not of course this did NOT go over well with him so he calls me a "fucking bitch" - in front of my husband as well. Ya muther F**er could kiss my ass since I wasn't doing ANYTHING to deserve this in the remotest sense. Hubby diddn't take it too kindly either and then the arguement went to Urdu.... ya not the language I understand much but I certainly understood that hubby was taking MY side and didn't take too kindly to his wife being disrespected like this. Ya we left the house.... spent the night in a motel. Hubby being laid off and me not working = not enough money to rent our own place since we won't have first & last month's rent... not for several weeks. Which means several weeks of putting up with these stupid people whom I hate more than I actually like. UGGGGGGGGGhhhhhhhhhhhh

Not just an ordinary infection

So a week's worth of pain, once I got back home the next day I had an appointment with my surgeon.

Turns out I have a NEW abcess. UGH! When I knew that I was right, I started crying. I was FINALLY starting to heal (somewhat anyways) or at least experiencing less pain, I go two steps backwards.

I knew from talking to the surgeon's receptionist that he wasn't back in his clinic for almost a month and so I asked when he was on-call again at the hospital. Figured that if I had to have an incision & drainage (I&D) that I would prefer to have MY surgeon do it. Turns out he was on-call that very same day.

I just had to head to the hospital while he was on-call. Then once there I had to wait another 2 1/2 hours for him to show up.

He was able to do the procedure and while he tried to be more empathetic and caring - I requested morphine so he gave me 4mg SC of it. And he tried to make sure I was good and frozen. Ya it didn't help much. Holy hell did it hurt!!! Then he gave me another 4mg of the morphine post procedure considering I was crying it hurt so much.

Now two days out, the surgeon actually called me this morning to ask how I was doing!!! How sweet eh?! I guess I must have made a bit of an impression. LOL

I have to see him again Monday for a follow-up. I also have to have home-care though in a clinic to pack the wound. Hurt the last time so I don't expect anything different this time around.

Surgeon says he won't know whether a fistula formed for another week or two. My goodness I hope and pray I didn't.

When will I get back to work???

That's the $1 000 000 000 question!

Had my follow-up with the surgeon today. Finally. I SHOULD have gone to him 2 weeks after surgery (2 weeks ago) but I didn't call his office right away. I was angry that the anesthesiologist screwed up my throat and the fact that the surgeon didn't call my hubby to update him after surgery or talk to me after the surgery. Good thing he apologized today for that (about his part anyways) and tried to answer questions about my throat.

I told him why I waited so long - about the infection - and that I was in major pain and I wasn't about to go to him and have him prodding around my bum when it hurts so much. Then he asked me why I didn't call him - well I did, I even told his secretary about the fact that I was having complications and she wouldn't give me an earlier appointment than today (he didn't address that) then asked me why I didn't go to the ER and have him paged!!! YA RIGHT!!!!

What surgeon do YOU know who wants to me PAGED when there are NOT on call???!!! I don't know a single one.

Either way, surgeon said that I'm off work til Nov 1st and more than likely another month after that but after Nov 1st he wants to take it week by week. He knows that I'm a nurse and considering walking exacerbates the pain, he figures it would be too difficult to go back. So I'm off for a bit longer.

The up side of this is that I can focus on my school work and make sure I get the best grades I can. Unfortunately it means no paycheck.

He wants to see me weekly to start tightening the seton and told me to pre medicate myself because it WILL hurt.... damn that's going to suck!!!

On a happy note - I just got back my pediatric assessment paper back and I got 99% - missed it by 0.5 of a mark because I forgot the birthdate - UGH! Stupid mistake. So far I'm 87% for one course and 93% for the other.

I may be behind in school work but damn am I getting good grades

Since I had the surgery it has put me MAJORLY behind for school work. I've been TRYING to keep up, but damn do these teachers load the work and readings for each week.

I had been having major pain and irritation to the site - not sure how normal this is. As of yesterday the discharge has turned purulent and smelly. Went to my GP and he swabbed the area and sent it off for testing. I should know more Thurs. He didn't want to put me on anymore antibiotics since I've been on quite a bit lately. All good in my book since we are at least doing testing.

Because of the pain I was prescribed Dilaudid - I'm allergic to codeine, demerol and percocet - throat swells so ya, not having any of them. The unfortunate side effect is that I got MAJORLY dizzy from it. THEN I was getting nauseous from it (and gravol or maxeran weren't helping) and subsequently vomitting for an entire day. NOT good when i'm trying to make up all this stuff. Because of the dizziness I lost 4 days - finally I just had to stop taking the pills and deal with the agony in order to get SOME work done.

Pain's still pretty bad, especially after activity. So off I went to the GP yesterday to see if I can get morphine instead. I know it makes me nauseous but at least I know that maxeran will cover it and I SHOULD be ok.

I have a follow up with the surgeon on sept. 30 - looking forward to seeing him and hearing what he has to say about this entire mess.

Cut lip AND uvula from anesthesiologist - they messed me up good!

Had surgery yesterday... Got bumped by an emergency in the AM, was scheduled for 1330 hrs and was ALMOST cancelled - only reason they didn't was because I worked at the hospital (yay for small favors). Went in for surgery at 1730hrs and woke up in recovery at 2030hrs.

My throat was killing me when I woke up. wouldn't know what they did to me until I got home and looked in the mirror... little about that later - I have pics

The surgeon didn't even stay til I woke up to give me any information about my surgery, NOR did he call my hubby (which I indicated to do)... asked the nurse what they did, was told that the surgeon did a fistulectomy. Was surprised by this because surgeon told me that he couldn't do that because it was aimed at my vagina and the muscle there was too thin to do this. I also clarified with him about this prior to going into the theatre, asked him if he saw the CT scan I had a couple of weeks back. He said that he had, and that he thought that I also had a abcess but wouldn't know for sure until he got me knocked out and could peek around. So ya, the fistulectomy information came as a surprise. Also before going under I asked him to write a script for a pain killer seeing that I'm allergic to codeine, demerol and percocet and I didn't want him to "forget" about this and give me one of these and I would up the creek without a paddle and in tremendous amounts of pain. He gave me dilaudid which was good in my books.

When I got home and looked in the mirror - wondering why my throat was killing me so much, I found this...........




Pic # 1 - uvula from yesterday - the anesthesiologist CUT my uvula and damaged the tonsillar area (mine have been removed)

Pic # 2 - uvula from today - the bottom half is DYING!!!!!! Holy crap, and I have NO idea what to do about this!!!

Pic # 3 - the anesthesiologist cut my lip as well - at first when I felt it when I came out of my anesthsia I thought maybe I bit down on it - nope, that was from the ET tube.... what the hell was the anesthesiologist doing while I was asleep - was she as well?!

To say I'm pissed is an understatement. It's frustrating that I work there and get treated like this. No wonder my hospital is getting a SUPER bad rep. UGH!!! I don't want to have to fink on these HCPs but I certainly can't stand around and expect that they get away with this. Hello people, you dropped the ball and I don't want to have to pay for it.

I went to my family doc today because the original dilaudid the surgeon gave me wasn't enough to cover my pain (from either end actually) and even when I doubled the dose myself (explained that to the family doc as well) it STILL wasn't enough.

I told my doc that I felt bad for him that I'm always coming to him to fix other dr's mistakes - when I said that he said "hmmmm" and turned back to his computer. He couldn't BELIEVE that what's happened to me (for this whole ordeal since the end of June). He asked me if the doc put me on antibiotic - nope he sure didn't. So there's another script right there (we're up to 2)

I asked him for some numbing spray for my throat (so that I can swallow and maybe eat something) but he was a bit reluctant on that one - he relented a bit and gave me a script for xylocaine jelly so that I can put it on a Q-tip and apply it to the really painful areas in my mouth/throat. (script #3)

Last night was such a horrible night for sleep that even my sleeping pills weren't covering it and so while I was at the doc's I got him to give me a refill on my sleeping pills so hopefully tonite would be better (isn't so far but meh) = script # = 5

He said he wants to see me in a couple of days, already had an appointment with him on the 10th so hopefully I'll be in a better position than what I'm in right now.

I have a big ass assignment in school due Sunday @ 2300 hrs - ya, had to ask for an extension on that one. Hopefully they grant it. I'm not in ANY position to be doing it. Too doped up on dilaudid because of all the pain, I just want to sleep all the time (my body's way of coping with pain).

Oh, and I showed the Dr my derrier and he said that there's strings there - was surprised at that, because it means that the surgeon did a seton - I had talked to him about that just before going in for the surgery and he told me that he would likely be putting one in (for the one that goes towards my vagina) but when I asked him what kind it would be - tighting or not - he said he wasn't sure until he got in there and see how much muscle involvement there was.... still don't know which one I have but I DO know that I have strings.... guess I'll find out mroe in 2 weeks when I'm expected to have a follow-up appointment with the surgeon.

Not quite done yet

Had my follow-up appointment with the surgeon last week, was told that I good in regards to the abcess but now I need surgery for the fistula. But this surgeon is now sending me to ANOTHER surgeon to have this particular surgery done.

Now I'm waiting to hear from this other surgeon to find out WHEN I might have this surgery.

The downtime is helping me finish my course reading for the interpersonal comm'n course that I'm taking and need to have completed the exam by the end of August and I still have 4 more chapters to read. Boring stuff I may add!

I heard back from my uni who told me that there's outstanding things for my admission. I have to have ANOTHER dose of MMR & Tdap - which my family doc indicated that I don't need to.

Record of my flu shot - which I don't understand why I need to provide this at this point seeing as we aren't going to have clinicals til winter semester (Jan 2014) and by that point I'll have had ANOTHER flu shot.

The outstanding course which I'm working on.

They indicated that they need my highschool transcripts - which I sent 2yrs ago - and I even have paperwork to indicate this - so I sent off an email indicating this. ERG, it had better not be lost!!!!

July 25th is a SUPER important day!!!!

That day several things will happen...

1. Most important - I have a job interview for a FT L&D position - WOOT WOOT!!!!! I am SUPER UBER stoked! I just found out Thursday, so considering what's been going on with me health wise, this has taken the back seat news wise. Plz send prayers and thoughts out as this day arrives, this is where my heart is leading me to go to deliver my nursing skills & vibes. I just hope that they see that I'm the best one for the job!

2. It's the day I follow up with the surgeon and have him poke & prode (though I hope less this time around!) and see if anything more needs to be done about my derrier. I still have a couple more days of Amox-clav antibiotic, I was nauseous for the first couple of days but that seems to have eased off. I'm still in pain intermittently, highly corrolated to how much walking or sitting on my buttock I do. Night before last, when fast was done, we met up with the in-laws friends at a restaurant and I had to bow out just after eating because I felt like I was going to pass out, hot and dizzy and nauseous does NOT a good evening make!!! Thankfully hubby was right by my side and led me out and even opened my car door for me! awww how sweet (would LOVE if this happened more often!)

3. I find out when I can go back to work - whether that be modified work duties or full scope. My back has been pretty good considering I've been resting more, but I certainly notice when I try to do stuff around the house and then it starts bothering me BIG time - had to take a nap today because the pain from my back and bumm hurt too much. Took a morphine and to sleep I went, when I woke up I felt a bit better - now I'm starting to feel it again. though the morphine has worn off and I've done a bit more around the house so who knows what exactly the culprit is. Time will tell!

I had my dressing changed yesterday and today - the woman has the same name as my auntie - funny since she's the one who's an absolute bitch! This woman is a Sweetheart!!! She puts xylocaine jelly in my wound before doing the packing!!!!!!!! Let me tell you, that has made ALLLLLL the difference!!! She and I have seemed to click which is nice. Hope I get her for the rest of the time that this dressing changes have to be done. She says it looks pretty good considering. She figures that it will take about 3 wks to fully heal. Hopefully I'm a fast healer. She says that my abcess is weird because it tunnels back towards my hip and only slightly towards my rectum - which is not usually how abcesses work. It's something that I'm going to have to bring up to the surgeon when I see him next.

Well I think it's bedtime for me - ciao for now!

I'm in so much pain!!!!!!!!

Had the follow up with the surgeon today - he did an incision & drainage - under local - HOLY SHIT DOES IT HURT!!!!!!!!!! He did the local and I STILL cried!

The first local hurt, but then he had to keep doing more and more becuase he didn't expect the abcess to be so deep - my response was "well if you thought it was that deep why didn't we do a twilight sedation or something" - he figured that it was more superficial and that abcess drainage isn't done in the OR. Which is something I wasn't getting at, that it could have been done in the ER where twilight sedation IS available and I could just stay around waiting for it to wear off.

When I got up from the stretcher there was a pile of blood on the stretcher and between my legs that the doc didn't give me anything to clean up with - good thing at least I brought wet wipes to clean myself up. And of course because of this all I have lost my fast (for Ramadan) which is irritating because I had been fasting since 4am. :( I can't fast for the next 10 days because he also put me on a different antibiotic - Amox-clav, which I haven't even heard about. Now I'll have to make this 11 days up after Ramadan is complete :(

He packed the wound and now I'm going to be having a wound care nurse come to the house daily to repack the wound - which is problaby going to hurt like a bitch. I'm certainly not looking forward to that. The doc gave me Statex but I'm not sure that that will be enough to cover the pain when they pack.

I'm off for another 2 weeks til I see him again. I'm not sure that the wound will be healed by then if he expected the abcess to be more superficial than it was. We'll see though. I just hope that the pain goes away quickly because it sucks having to lay down all the time.

A bit on the personal side

Well considering I'll never meet anyone who actually reads the stuff I post, I figured I would tell ya something a bit personal about myself... not to divulge personal information but to educate about different things that can happen - considering I'm experiencing it first hand

For a couple of months now I've been dealing with constipation - back when I was a teenager I was diagnosed with IBS (Inflammatory bowel syndrome - neither crohns or colitis definatively) and have swung from constipation to diarrhea and therefore can't try any of the meds that would help me because you have to be on one side or the other for the majority of time. Several weeks ago it became pretty bad that I developed a hemorrhoid and tried OTC stuff that never seemed to help so I sought out my family physician (FP) who gave me soemthing to try. I did so for about a week and then I developed this bump on my left buttock next to my rectum. I wait another day and a half and then it just became more and more painful. Being a nurse I *knew* that it was a rectal abcess so off I went to my FP walk-in clinic to ask for antibiotics - turns out that he figured that I also had a fistula and required an ER visit.

Off I go to my hospital (cuz I figured that if I had to be admitted or potentially have surgery) I would rather it be done at my own hospital and that way I wouldn't be stuck in a ward room. I was given a letter from the walk-in physician and waited about an hour to be triaged then another 30 min to see the nurse and have my vitals taken as well as a prelim history and then another 20 min to be registered then immediately brought to acute care in the emerge then I waited another 30ish minutes to see the ER doc and have him examine my tush who then said that he didn't feel anything (which made me flabbergasted cuz it felt huge to me!) and said that he would get a surgeon's consult and that took another 45 min who told me exactly what I already knew - I had a rectal abcess and his belief was that I also had a fistula - based on the fact that I had serosanginous fluid discharge from my rectum. He prescribed me antibiotics and I have to see him in 2 weeks.

He didn't tell me what the antibiotics were for (Cipro & Flagyl) because antibiotics can't treat an abcess (being that it's a local infection not a systemic infection) - so I figured that they're to treat any fecal infection I may have that I'm a carrier for and that that should indirectly help the fistula - who knows!

Being on the antibiotics has been rough. I have been severely nauseous, light-headed, dizzy, and weak - I feel like I have the flu. So hubby suggested that I go off them for one day and see how I feel... I listened to him and yet I still feel the same way 36+hrs later - so off I went back to the hospital cuz I can't very well stay this way. How the HELL am I supposed to take care of others when I feel like the room is spinning around me or that I very well may vomit all over them?! 8 hrs later, I'm no better really. No definitive answers either. ER doc told me to stop taking the meds and that my Sx should just stop all on their own - that although I have been taking these meds properly (BID & TID) that I have developed a UTI - like how the HELL did I develop that while being on antibiotics that TREAT that?! AND being a muslim I wash myself with water and make sure I'm EXTREMELY clean in the nether regions so WHAT THE HELL?????!!!! ER doc won't treat because I have no fever and I don't burn when I pee (told u it was a personal post!) and so he's just going to leave well enough alone - not that THAT makes sense to me but hey, I'm not a Dr!

Now I wait around, feeling useless (and everyone around this house telling me I am!) and wait til I see the surgeon later this week. Oh ya, did I mention that while being off the antibiotics that I feel like the abcess has gotten bigger and is producing more pus?! UGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH