Something's happening to me

I'm a bit in denial. Have been for quite some time. When BFF was here it struck home that it wasn't just me thinking that I was off, she noticed it as well.

For the last year I have noticed that finding the "right" word has become difficult. In the last 3 months it's become a daily struggle. I'm finding my eye sight a bit off, as well as my hearing. Oh my hearing - I feel like I'm going deaf. Hell I feel like a hypochondriac. But are you one when others start to notice these things as well? I don't know. It's been really hard writing my papers for school because I'm struggling to find the word that I want but doesn't sound right in the sentence and having to use the built in thesaurus when I already know that i should know the word but it's not coming to me is frustrating. Writing this blog is frustrating at times as well because of this. How to you relate how you feel when you can't put it into writing (let alone speaking) - let me tell ya, I certainly can empathize with my aphasic patients!

When I "googled" the difficulty finding words thing = anostic aphasia is what they call it. And it turns out that it's not so great. Options open to me are lesion, tumor, or brain injury (AKA actual injury or stroke) - so ya not good options!

I was hoping when I worked this weekend that I would come across one of our neurologists and simply ask their opinion but alas I did not. I don't work until next weekend so it's unlikely that I would come across one then anyways. So I suppose that I have to make an appointment with my GP and see what he thinks. I know something's happening to me, I just have a hard time not expecting the worst (considering what I've been going through for the last 9+ months!).

A big week coming

This week is kinda big in my life. This week I have a meeting with the surgeon who will determine if I get to go back to work and if I get to have the weekend shifts that I feel I need.

Then I have a meeting with Oc health, my manager and my union rep to determine WHEN I can go back to work. Goodness I hope it's soon!

These two things will determine WHEN I get to go home for Christmas - one things that this family will NOT let me celebrate here - so I REALLY REALLY want to go home. Plus my two brothers are shit heads and tend to spend more time with their wife's side of the family and therefore if if I didn't go home, then my mama would be left alone (and her hubby is a bigger shit head and doesn't know how to celebrate properly and always inevitably screws up the celebration) so there's just me to help her celebrate christmas.

Plus little tyke LOVES all the lights of christmas and keeps enquiring WHEN christmas is going to be. She doesn't understand why exactly we don't celebrate in this household and it's next to impossible to tell a 4 yr old and have her truely understand. So I'm happy that we get to go up to mom's house and celebrate all the awesomeness that goes along with the holidays. If only Eid was celebrated in the same manner, then maybe her and I would be excited about it as well.

I may be behind in school work but damn am I getting good grades

Since I had the surgery it has put me MAJORLY behind for school work. I've been TRYING to keep up, but damn do these teachers load the work and readings for each week.

I had been having major pain and irritation to the site - not sure how normal this is. As of yesterday the discharge has turned purulent and smelly. Went to my GP and he swabbed the area and sent it off for testing. I should know more Thurs. He didn't want to put me on anymore antibiotics since I've been on quite a bit lately. All good in my book since we are at least doing testing.

Because of the pain I was prescribed Dilaudid - I'm allergic to codeine, demerol and percocet - throat swells so ya, not having any of them. The unfortunate side effect is that I got MAJORLY dizzy from it. THEN I was getting nauseous from it (and gravol or maxeran weren't helping) and subsequently vomitting for an entire day. NOT good when i'm trying to make up all this stuff. Because of the dizziness I lost 4 days - finally I just had to stop taking the pills and deal with the agony in order to get SOME work done.

Pain's still pretty bad, especially after activity. So off I went to the GP yesterday to see if I can get morphine instead. I know it makes me nauseous but at least I know that maxeran will cover it and I SHOULD be ok.

I have a follow up with the surgeon on sept. 30 - looking forward to seeing him and hearing what he has to say about this entire mess.

Cut lip AND uvula from anesthesiologist - they messed me up good!

Had surgery yesterday... Got bumped by an emergency in the AM, was scheduled for 1330 hrs and was ALMOST cancelled - only reason they didn't was because I worked at the hospital (yay for small favors). Went in for surgery at 1730hrs and woke up in recovery at 2030hrs.

My throat was killing me when I woke up. wouldn't know what they did to me until I got home and looked in the mirror... little about that later - I have pics

The surgeon didn't even stay til I woke up to give me any information about my surgery, NOR did he call my hubby (which I indicated to do)... asked the nurse what they did, was told that the surgeon did a fistulectomy. Was surprised by this because surgeon told me that he couldn't do that because it was aimed at my vagina and the muscle there was too thin to do this. I also clarified with him about this prior to going into the theatre, asked him if he saw the CT scan I had a couple of weeks back. He said that he had, and that he thought that I also had a abcess but wouldn't know for sure until he got me knocked out and could peek around. So ya, the fistulectomy information came as a surprise. Also before going under I asked him to write a script for a pain killer seeing that I'm allergic to codeine, demerol and percocet and I didn't want him to "forget" about this and give me one of these and I would up the creek without a paddle and in tremendous amounts of pain. He gave me dilaudid which was good in my books.

When I got home and looked in the mirror - wondering why my throat was killing me so much, I found this...........




Pic # 1 - uvula from yesterday - the anesthesiologist CUT my uvula and damaged the tonsillar area (mine have been removed)

Pic # 2 - uvula from today - the bottom half is DYING!!!!!! Holy crap, and I have NO idea what to do about this!!!

Pic # 3 - the anesthesiologist cut my lip as well - at first when I felt it when I came out of my anesthsia I thought maybe I bit down on it - nope, that was from the ET tube.... what the hell was the anesthesiologist doing while I was asleep - was she as well?!

To say I'm pissed is an understatement. It's frustrating that I work there and get treated like this. No wonder my hospital is getting a SUPER bad rep. UGH!!! I don't want to have to fink on these HCPs but I certainly can't stand around and expect that they get away with this. Hello people, you dropped the ball and I don't want to have to pay for it.

I went to my family doc today because the original dilaudid the surgeon gave me wasn't enough to cover my pain (from either end actually) and even when I doubled the dose myself (explained that to the family doc as well) it STILL wasn't enough.

I told my doc that I felt bad for him that I'm always coming to him to fix other dr's mistakes - when I said that he said "hmmmm" and turned back to his computer. He couldn't BELIEVE that what's happened to me (for this whole ordeal since the end of June). He asked me if the doc put me on antibiotic - nope he sure didn't. So there's another script right there (we're up to 2)

I asked him for some numbing spray for my throat (so that I can swallow and maybe eat something) but he was a bit reluctant on that one - he relented a bit and gave me a script for xylocaine jelly so that I can put it on a Q-tip and apply it to the really painful areas in my mouth/throat. (script #3)

Last night was such a horrible night for sleep that even my sleeping pills weren't covering it and so while I was at the doc's I got him to give me a refill on my sleeping pills so hopefully tonite would be better (isn't so far but meh) = script # = 5

He said he wants to see me in a couple of days, already had an appointment with him on the 10th so hopefully I'll be in a better position than what I'm in right now.

I have a big ass assignment in school due Sunday @ 2300 hrs - ya, had to ask for an extension on that one. Hopefully they grant it. I'm not in ANY position to be doing it. Too doped up on dilaudid because of all the pain, I just want to sleep all the time (my body's way of coping with pain).

Oh, and I showed the Dr my derrier and he said that there's strings there - was surprised at that, because it means that the surgeon did a seton - I had talked to him about that just before going in for the surgery and he told me that he would likely be putting one in (for the one that goes towards my vagina) but when I asked him what kind it would be - tighting or not - he said he wasn't sure until he got in there and see how much muscle involvement there was.... still don't know which one I have but I DO know that I have strings.... guess I'll find out mroe in 2 weeks when I'm expected to have a follow-up appointment with the surgeon.

Not quite done yet

Had my follow-up appointment with the surgeon last week, was told that I good in regards to the abcess but now I need surgery for the fistula. But this surgeon is now sending me to ANOTHER surgeon to have this particular surgery done.

Now I'm waiting to hear from this other surgeon to find out WHEN I might have this surgery.

The downtime is helping me finish my course reading for the interpersonal comm'n course that I'm taking and need to have completed the exam by the end of August and I still have 4 more chapters to read. Boring stuff I may add!

I heard back from my uni who told me that there's outstanding things for my admission. I have to have ANOTHER dose of MMR & Tdap - which my family doc indicated that I don't need to.

Record of my flu shot - which I don't understand why I need to provide this at this point seeing as we aren't going to have clinicals til winter semester (Jan 2014) and by that point I'll have had ANOTHER flu shot.

The outstanding course which I'm working on.

They indicated that they need my highschool transcripts - which I sent 2yrs ago - and I even have paperwork to indicate this - so I sent off an email indicating this. ERG, it had better not be lost!!!!