Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Is my life ever without drama?! Part two

I've indicated before that I'm taking a couple of summer courses - a nursing course and an elective. As a previous post indicated, 5 wk courses are nucking futz! But the drama isn't with the 5 wk course - it's with the course with a group project...

We're doing an evidence based project (EBP) which we're chosen improving the quality of life of breast cancer patients. Chosen is reducing cancer-related fatigue (CRF) and cancer-induced nausea and vomiting (CINV). I specifically chose to ginseng to reduce fatigue. There's six people in the group.

So while putting this paper together - the leader sends out the rough "finished" draft... which when I read it I found that five of us ended up at one point and the other ended up at a different point - which made me question how in the world that happened.... so I went looking in the course areas to find the answer.... to find out that we were all right and all wrong.... that we were all missing the respective parts - so I brought this up to the GROUP (not just the leader - figured it would be easier if I brought it up to the group so she didn't then have to email everyone about it).... and indicated that there's other stuff that we have to get done.

I did more research and found that there was a complete section that no one did - and that the leader did not "assign" for anyone to do it - so I indicated to the group that someone should volunteer to do it - the leader was putting the paper together and I was doing the power point - so someone else had to.... After a couple of days someone did.... but they did it incorrectly! She was supposed to critique the EBP guideline that I had found on the database we were told to use - but she only critiqued the CINV and not a second one that addresses the CRF. This I brought up to the "leader" which she disregarded!

Then there was parts of the critiques within the lit review of our articles that wasn't done correctly and I brought THIS up to the leader and she disregarded it as well. I also did a mark up of the paper that the "leader" sent to us but she didn't change a godamn thing.


I emailed the teacher - letting her know the issues I was having with the "leader" and how she was disregarding everything that I had talked to her about and that I was concerned about the quality of the paper - her response was that she marks it up first and if it still isn't up to snuff then it gets posted for the rest of the class to mark it up - so she said that if I'm still concerned about it after that point then we would cross that bridge when we got to it. She said that it sucks to be in my position becasue I'm between a rock and hard place. So that helped reduce my anxiety.

Then when I was doing the power point I had to put in that the parts that were missing in the critiques I had to indicate this and it did NOT go over well with the "leader" who sent out an email to the ENTIRE GROUP AND THE TEACHER!!! - that she thought that my powerpoint was "incomplete and unprofessional", and that she "redid" the power point. Awesome thing was was that she attached the TWO power points - hers and mine. I was so beyond pissed! I was furious! What a back stabbing bitch!

The next day something awesome happened though, the teacher wrote back this: "please continue with the ppt labeled EBP Echo Group. There is more information, it is outlined nicely and maintains a professional look, but also incorporates pictures." Which is MY power point!!! Booya bitch! OMG I loved the fact that the teacher sided with me. SUCH AN AWESOME FEELING!!!

Now of course this girl can't turn around and be humble - oh no! She turns around and says this: "I do not think Roxie read the information in your power point. Why did you put that there are things the team did not do? I understand we are still working on the project but you wanted to turn in a power point that points out that we are not doing specific parts. I felt it was very  unprofessional to point out flaws in the teams project. It seems that at every turn you are fighting against the team and not with the team."
I was so beyond astonished! I couldn't believe that she would belittle and insult the teacher and think that she doesn't read what is sent to her! I even emailed her as such! My response = "In regards to pointing out that there were pieces missing, I indicated to you that pieces were missing from the paper and you ignored that. It seems to me that you did not read the parts that were sent to you, otherwise such things would have been caught and corrected before the "final" rough draft (paper - not power point) submission was posted - which I took a lot of the information from. I sent you a mark-up of the paper and NOTHING was changed. According to you, the paper was satisfactory and the rest of the group felt the same way."

And, the reason I pointed out things that weren't completed was because I gave her a chance to fix that which was wrong and NO ONE did!!! Plus those parts needed to BE done and so it made a point that the group had parts that needed to be fixed. Then she turns around and instead of admitting she was wrong says "Since we obviously have a difference in opinion that will not be swayed in any direction. I propose that you finish the power point and I will work on the paper portion. Send your mark up to me please and I will make the changes suggested."

Man I don't know what to do with this girl! You would think that she would take the advice of someone in the group who seriously cares about this but instead is incredibly prideful. I just don't want my grade to suffer because of it! Honestly, if we don't get >90% I will be taking up this issue with the teachers because I seriously tried to make sure that this paper was good - I can't do anything more if the leader won't listen or lead!

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Is my life ever without drama?! Part one

I was at work Sunday - I was sitting ON the nursing desk (cuz that's how I roll soemtimes) talking to a co worker when I decided it was time that I go do some rounds on my patients. I stepped down onto the floor with my left foot and when I went to put pressure on my right foot I felt SEARING pain go through the posterior of my calcaneus (back of my heel) and couldn't walk - well there goes the rest of my shift! At that point I gave report on my patients to the nurses who would pick them up off me and away I went to the ER - wheeling myself in a wheelchair a crazy long distance to get there from my unit.

I waited 45 min to be seen by the nurse - sent to urgent care - waited another 15 min to be seen by the nurse there - then another hour and a half to see a Dr - then be sent off for a x-ray and waited ANOTHER hour and a half for that to be done.... it was so long that the Dr actually came to the x-ray desk to find out what was taking so long for the x-ray to be done. To be fair, they put a baby ahead of me (which I was ok with)... but I had NO idea why it took so bloody long. It was stupid long time to wait. Then once done I wheeled myself back the ER area I was in and wait another 15 minutes to be reassessed and find out the results - not broken (that they can see - but it could be a hairline fracture).

Based on the testing as far as can be seen it's not the achilles tendon that's causing the pain - but there's many more fibers (muscles, ligaments, tendons) that run along the back of the heel and to the bottom of the foot. So at this point we don't know why I can't stand on it without major pain. If the pain doesn't go away by Thurs/Fri then I am to see my family doc to do further testing.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

5 wk courses are hell!

Taking two courses this summer - but I just started the second course which is only 5 wks long and let me tell you - HOLY HELL!!!! I thought that there was a LOT of work with a regular scheduled semester course but this 5 wk course is brutal!

I'm feeling better thankfully. Then little tyke went and broke my computer yesterday - hubby was able to do patch work with it so I hope it lasts for at least the rest of the summer.

For tomorrow I have four quizzes, two blog posts, a discussion board posting, a historical document that needs to be completed, and an essay .... and that is only ONE course!

My other course I have to do a power point presentation by Sunday - wow this is going to be quite a weekend!

Wish me luck!!!

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Feelin yucky

 Sunday when I worked I didn't feel the best but I mustered through my ickiness and finished my shift - then slept part of yesterday then when I woke up today I felt even more icky and slept more of today. I can last for about an hour then feel absolutely wiped and have to nap again. I've been awake for about 4 hours and I feel so bad. I'm lightheaded and dizzy, hot and diaphoretic but not febrile and slightly nauseous - not a good combination.

Don't know what I can do about this except ride it out. I figure it's probably viral.

Unfortunately, I have soooo much work to do. But I just don't have it in me to get it done.

Also, my damn book hasn't arrived. So even if I wanted to do work, kinda makes it impossible. The only thing I get to do is focus on the other course I have work for. OMG I hate feeling this way - this is how I felt when I was pregnant - don't worry, I'm not. Would love to be but alas, we're waiting til I'm done my BSN.

One of the girls at work just announed that she's pregnant - I'm jealous. Snuck up on me actually. I wish it was me. Jealous that a bunch of the people who started on the unit at the same time as me are buying homes and having babies and I'm not doing either. I feel like I'm in a stalesmate.

Wow, not what I was expecting to discuss on this post. Guess I'll stop here. Hope I'm feeling better real soon - I have to work again on Thursday.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

What's up with customs?!

For school I ordered my summer books in MAY to ensure that they would arrive for my course that started on MONDAY....

ya, I STILL haven't received it - almost TWO months after the fact~! Unfortunately I have no retribution avenues to take because the book was shipped by the people we ordered it from and it's sitting in the back avenues of customs.... wherever that is!

The CD I ordered to go along with the book - though shipped separately - has arrived. Now if only I could get my book.

See this wouldn't be such a big deal except that my course is only five weeks long and we're at the end of week one already - so it's rather major here!


Saturday, July 5, 2014

Dinner and quite a shift!

Dinner with pre-teen was good. When I talked to him about why he didn't want to see me - it wasn't about me at all. He didn't want to have to see hubby's family. When I asked him about what he has against my husband he said "nothing" - so I don't quite understand why he wouldn't call me and ask to go for dinner. I'm mystefied! He certainly knows how to hurt my feelings tho.

My last shift was quite an interesting one when I arrived.

I got report about my guy who got his G-tube FINALLY.... unfortunately he was bleeding quite a bit when he was returned to our unit. The receiving nurse called the MRP and she came to check him out and then together they changed the dressing over the tube.

So when I come onto shift and get report, we pulled back the covers and she shows me the abd pad over top and it's quite saturated with blood.... which was quite alarming since only 3 hours previously was it changed.

So I finished report and then phoned the MRP to inform her that just from looking at the abd pad you could tell that he was still actively bleeding.... got some stat orders and away I went.

I figured that since he is now on MY shift, that I would check out the bleeding myself so I took off the abd pad to find that there were 5-6 HEAVILY saturated 4X4 guaze underneath - oh well THAT changed things BIG TIME for me... I called the MRP back and changed things, explaining that it was actively bleeding, had saturated the 6 guazes and the abd pad and that she needed to come assess it herself. In the meantime I was told to put direct heavy pressure over the site for TWENTY MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After 5 minutes my hand was killing me. Now for those of you who don't know - a G-tube goes into the body just below the sternum (middle of your chest - it's the bone that connects the two sides of your rib bones - it's the thing we press on when we're doing compression - tho not really the point of this story so moving right along) - and of course when I pushed down he yelped in pain. At least he was restrained cuz i'm pretty darn sure he would have decked me! I told him sorry but that he was bleeding and I was trying to help him!

While holding pressure the doc calls back and so in comes a nurse asking me to come answer the phone - told her no and that I was told to put pressure on this and that the charge nurse (who knew what was going on anyways) could answer.... so off goes the nurse to just return and question me on how the bleeding is "is it oozing or squirting".... ok.... "it's more than oozing but less than squirting" - so then the MRP gets the support doc (ICU doc who sees ppl who are doing poorly or need to be assessed ASAP) and so of course I have to stop the pressure. He pulls off the 4X4 and it was still bleeding, so he's mopping it up with another 4x4 - probably trying to determine where the bleeding was coming from and whether this guy was going to start clotting at any point. (come to find out he JUST finished his fellowship on MONDAY!!!!! hahahhaa - poor guy, putting him through this already!).

So the doc - in some "brilliant" move, simply moves the plastic phalange against the pt's skin and waits a minute.... well it doesn't keep bleeding so he says "ok, the bleeding has stopped".... YA NO

I questioned him "you sure about that one"

"well, he might not be bleeding on the outside, but maybe internally" Oh, you don't say!

"what issues are we going to have with that one?"

"well he should create a clot so long as his tube isn't manipulated in any sense and it's better for it to be internally because then his body can absorb it as this thing heals" - ok, at least that makes sense!

So we literally left it there, put a couple of drain 4x4 guazes around it and taped the g tube so that it couldn't move, and away we went.

His hemoglobin dropped from 131 to 117 in 7 hours which is pretty steep but we don't transfuse in our hospital until you're below 80 so he's far off in terms of that. He'll certainly live!

This sort of thing we don't see very often at all (uber rare) - but go figure it had to be MY patient!

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Why does my kid hate me?!

Pre teen has been incommunicando for several days. Not like he ever tries to call me. As I've said before, I got screwed by the court system and so he lives with his father. Son hates my husband's family and so has been adament on not coming down here to visit. Last year (or maybe a bit longer) I gave in and said no more. So now the only time we see each other is when I go back to hometown for a visit. And even then, when I do make arrangements, he doesn't always choose to come to me for the entire time. It seriously hurts but I don't know how to make things any different.

For the last two days I've left messages on the voicemail for him to call me back, which he didn't and then yesterday I got an email from his father indicating that they were out of town and if I wanted to reach pre-teen that I could call the cell.... which is exactly what I did. To find out that they're in my neck of the woods. The last time that they were down here, he didn't call me then either. When I found out about this I told him that I would appreciate a call even and that I would try to get together for even a meal with him. Which he seemed receptive to.... so when I mentioned getting together for dinner he sort of stuttered and then said "okay" so I had him pass the phone to his father.... when I spoke with him I mentioned that he didn't talk to me about him taking him away from the hometown (as our court order indicates he's supposed to) but that I didn't want to argue with him about it anyways, but that I was simply pointing it out. I asked if I could take him for dinner and he said that he had talked to pre-teen about seeing/calling me while they were down in my neck of the woods and he said that he had told him that he didn't want to see me. BREAK MY HEART IN TWO!!!!

I didn't understand what I had done to deserve this. I know that he thinks I abandoned him when I moved south, but I did so for the sake of my safety and the security of my family. I also trusted his father that the agreement that we had taken over a year to make, that he would keep (boy was I naive and stupid!!!). But pre-teen doesn't believe a word of this and thinks that I just didn't want to be his mom anymore and that I was choosing my husband over him (not the case!).

so I asked to speak with pre-teen again and when he got back on the phone I gently called him out on it. He stuttered again and said that it wasn't "like you think it is".... well okay, how the heck am I supposed to take that?! I'm pretty sure it's everything I think it is! By this point I'm trying not to cry. My feelings were incredibly hurt and I didn't know what to say. I tried to get him to explain but he just clammed up and wouldn't discuss this further. He said that it was too difficult to talk over the phone and didn't want to do it that way. THAT I could understand so I let it be.

I tried to make plans for Saturday because I was to work Thursday & Friday (but I haven't told him I'm back at work because it's not something that I want to talk to him about and I know that that's information that will just go directly to his father and it's certainly none of his business!) so he talks to them for a minute and tells me that that's not possible. He said that he could do (now today) for dinner but I didn't know how to explain that I couldn't because of work.... which I explained that due to transportation I couldn't arrange it (partially true as we're having issues in this department ATM) and when that didn't work then I tried to explain that there were plans because of Ramadan (month of fasting) - but he doesn't see my religion as valid and so he didn't understand why those couldn't be changed.... then he broke down and started crying - which is difficult for any parent to hear - the kind of crying where the child is actually hurting, where's it's raw and not fake in any sense - and that just made me completely break down. So here we are in a stale mate, both sobbing... I ended up letting him go after we both calmed down a bit. Indicating that since Saturday couldn't work for him and Thurs couldn't work for me that I guess we couldn't see each other.

Once off the phone, I literally broke down sobbing. I love my son but he sure knows how to hurt my feelings! It kills me that we're apart but I also see how he's changing by being raised by his father and step-mother. Hubby sees me in this state and goes off on me about how he's not mine anymore and how I need to come to this realization (not helping matters!) and between sobs tell him to leave me alone! I called my BFF and talked to her (much more sympathetic!) and she helped me calm down. Then during that call the pre-teen calls back and tries to figure something else out. At this point I'm trying to see if we could do lunch or even breakfast one of the days when hubby comes back to me and wants to speak to me. I put pre-teen on mute for a min and hubby says that he thinks I should call in to work and book it off - take it as a personal day. So when I get back on the phone with pre-teen I tell him that I have figured some stuff out and would like to take him to dinner. So that's what the plan is, I just don't know yet where I have to pick him up. I only get him from 7-9pm.... and when I suggested that I would like to possibly take him for a dinner and a movie, I was told by his father that that wasn't ok that I could only have him until 9:30 at the latest. I mean, I'll take what I can get but I don't see why I'm not allowed to - what is he going to do after this point anyways?! I'm pretty darn sure that in the summer he stays up late regularly so I really don't see what the difference is - but clearly it has to do with me seeing him and they just want to control everything.

Problem is, what do I say about him not wanting to see me? Do I bring it up and try to talk to him about it, or just try to enjoy the time I get with him?