Saturday, February 27, 2016

A little overwhelmed (again)

It's hard to look at the big picture when you see everything lying in front of you.

I started back at work. It was a good day. It felt right. Some even noticed that I was away which was nice. When I was away sick from the last place, hardly anyone would say anything. Hopefully it's a good thing that ppl care here to ask. Perhaps a friendship or two might actually develop - still to be seen.

But since I began again I got my schedule for work. I'm supposed to work every other weekend and then a day here or there. But when you see it all written down and then thinking about what this semester holds in terms of school work and due dates, it's slightly daunting.

I don't know how I've managed to work and go to school this entire time, I know I feel this same way every time. I don't know how I get through it. I know that I always do. But the feelings are difficult in the moment. I know I'm just feeling the crunch.

Goodness I can't wait until this is finished!

On a side note - hubby's family is pressuring hubby to go in on a house. In my mind, a little too late! The one BIL wants to get married, I know that he's no longer holding out because he doesn't want to bring his wife into a house where he doesn't have a space of his/their own. Hell, I certainly know how that feels - that's been my life for the last 7 years! But I also think that perhaps he should have to go through the hell that they've put us through.

I also think that bullying my husband is not the way to get what THEY want. I think that my husband and I should take priority when we make our next decisions. I think we've had our fill of his family. I'm ready to live on our own together without any of them. However, hubby has noted that they will emotionally blackmail him - about how they've "helped" us (FYI - not so much help when they make us pay a LOT to live here - and don't decrease those payments when one of us isn't working - nor is it like it costs that much for us to live here, so they're making out big time), and it's his "duty" to help them and how in their culture that family helps family. UGH it makes me sick. But I'm an "outsider" so I'm not allowed to say anything and when I do, they just yell and scream at hubby. I'm so ready to be away from them.

So ya, I have a bunch of stuff to deal with and when I feel it pressing down on my shoulders I begin to feel overwhelmed at all this.

1 comment:

  1. It's easy to feel overwhelmed when seeing everything on a calendar. You have done it before and you will be able to do it again. Yes, it will be difficult and overwhelming at moments. However, you have a supporting husband, sweet little girl and boy, and you have done it before! I think it's exciting that you may be looking at getting a house for your family soon and you would be able to move out somewhere where you can begin to be a family unit without your in-laws there all the time. Just breathe and take everything as it comes moment by moment.